Justifying existence
Meandering thoughts on a Sunday.
I struggle with being still, mentally and physically. This has always been true, even though I’ve had more success recently at tempering this need to keep moving and doing. most of the time, it comes from a genuine desire to be productive towards a goal.
When this isn’t happening consciously (striving towards a productive goal), I worry that the desire to “do something” is driven by a need to “justify my existence” - and I say this based completely on the inner monologue and messaging that is occurring at the time.
Activities oriented towards the “justifying my existence” urge produce short-lived satisfaction - probably because they’re not aligned with things I care about deeply.
I’m trying to get better at recognizing when this is happening, so I can pause and reevaluate my choices in the moment.
I now also recognize the times in my career where the team I was a part of felt this as a whole. A team driving itself to execute on activities that are part of its identity (it’s monologue / inner voice), but not necessarily aligned with the larger goals of the organization. That identity and function was useful once upon a time, but it’s not anymore.
It’s uncomfortable to stop and consider that possibility. Is the team still needed in its current form? If things feel listless and team members feel like we’re just going through the motions - searching for things to do and missing a clear path forward - it’s time to ask the hard questions.
What other goal and purpose could we be serving instead of trying consciously (or otherwise) to justify our existence?
I’m Siddhartha (Sid) Shankar, and I am currently a Senior Engineering Manager at GitHub serving the CodeQL dynamic languages team, supporting JavaScript/TypeScript, Python and Ruby. I have had the privilege of leading and managing engineering teams since 2015. I’m at my best when engaging in opportunities that require bringing people together - often across teams - to deliver value to customers in a sustainable and pragmatic way. More about the author →
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